One tequila two tequila FIVE TEQUILA SOS

…Hello? Helloooooo? Is anyone out there?

Oh! Hi! It’s been a while!

So, it turns out I actually do work, and I actually am busy… but not so busy that I have an excuse not to write. For example, my happy hours for both Monday night and last night rescheduled (to tonight!… allegedly). So I obviously made super exciting plans to keep me occupied instead!

Just kidding. I guzzled red wine and laid upside down off the couch (very fun when combined with the whole wine thing) and watched 30 Rock.

Liz Lemon, you are my spirit animal

But, fret not, reader! (I’m assuming I only have ~1 left, due to my delinquency. Hey, you. Yeah, you know who you are. I love you for sticking with me. Here, have a cake ball). I have made it a personal vendetta to update you on the ratchet goings-on of my 22-year-old life, whether you like it or not! We have a Friendsgiving coming up, and lots of fun clubs to explore, and friends coming back for the holidays, and OMG I’M SO EXCITED (to gain 20 pounds) (from Thanksgiving alone) (cripes).


But, before I can get to this weekend, I should rewind to last weekend! Chronology is a great thing!


I had plans to eat Indian food in Tenleytown (read: Timbuktu) with a friend at 8 PM. He canceled. My roommates and I watched four Disney movies and passed out on the couch at 9 PM. WE’RE WILD.

staying in
And stay in, we did


I was up and at ’em, bright and early, ready to take on the day! Except, it was pouring. Hey, you win some, you lose some. And when it rains, I get more time to do the important things, aka go shopping. I put on 6 inch wedges, killed the makeup game, and headed to Tysons to strut around and buy things that I absolutely didn’t need. What is a budget??

Fuck you, Tinder dude

I also forced sweetly asked my mom to take me to lunch, and she lovingly obliged! We went to Jason’s Deli, the land of infinite free ice cream, banana pudding, and chocolate mousse. Oh, and salad. I had lettuce and ice cream. BALANCE.


I bid adieu to Madre and set off back home for my exciting plans of doing absolutely nothing! And, when I don’t know what to do, I bake. I decided that apple pie was on the agenda, so I took a quick inventory of the kitchen, whipped up my pie dough and set it in the fridge to chill, and then set off to Trader Joe’s to buy 8 apples and 3 bottles of wine. I’m ambitious. And borderline alcoholic. Wine is just juice, though, right? SO healthy.

As I baked, Lexi came back from rock climbing with her friend Mitch, and they supervised my pie-baking process while lounging on the couch and watching the classic Dreamworks film “Road to El Dorado” because we’re 7 years old. By the time the movie was over, I pulled this sucker out of the oven and we dug in:


Note: I later sent this picture to everyone I know. And by later, I mean after many margaritas. But hold your horses, I’m getting there.

Note #2: My boyfriend is from the midwest and thus an official expert on all things pie, and upon tasting this baby, he said it should win state fair competitions. If that’s not the highest level of compliment, then I don’t know what is!

Mitch is an angel, so he offered to drive Lexi and I to our friend Lipika’s birthday dinner at Mission in Dupont Circle. We are eternally grateful.

Hey, did you catch how I said birthday dinner up there? Like, with food, and maybe some drinks? It’s a Mexican restaurant, so really heavy and good food too – cheesy, spicy goodness. Now, take whatever you’re picturing in your mind, and THROW IT AWAY. It’s all wrong. This was a birthday “dinner” aka Lexi and I split a plain cheese quesadilla appetizer while simultaneously guzzling a pitcher of red sangria between the two of us. After the sangria, we each got a margarita… and then we made the night-changing decision to get a pitcher of very, very tequila-heavy margaritas to split between the two of us.

The only picture that survived
The only picture that survived

We quickly thereafter found the dance floor, and I don’t remember too much more, except that we FINISHED that margarita pitcher, I know I talked to just about every guy in the bar, got three phone numbers, and lost my North Face. It was old, IDGAF. Also, at some point in the night I sent the following (very accurate) texts:


I vaguely remember being put into an Uber to get home (not sure who paid for it, but it wasn’t me) and spending the entire ride home trying to use my phone to get a pizza but being hopelessly unable to figure out how to do so. I woke up with my search browser showing “Pizza Courthouse Arlington” which I’m a little confused about because I live in Clarendon? Eh, drunk minds. Regardless, I fell asleep as soon as I got home (took out my contacts, took off my shirt and bra, left on my boots and leggings. Comfy!) and didn’t get a pizza. Sad. Successful night all around, though!


I spent wandering around the Georgetown waterfront, getting my shit together, and eating Chinese food with my parents for dinner. Happiness!

Now, get ready for the ~fun weekend times~ and infinite Friendsgiving food pics coming your way!


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